27 weeks!

It's hard to believe, isn't it?
27 beautiful weeks. I am feeling better emotionally. I really need to keep realistic expectations, and realize that I am raising 3 kids while being 6 1/2 months pregnant AND not having a husband and all that means.
Physically I hurt. I don't sleep well because turning hurts so much. My patience is non-existant, though, which makes for a mentally exhausting day.
I had a weird dream last night about going into labor (actually, not going into labor but having my doctor try and talk me into another c-section). I really don't want another c-section if I can avoid it because Jeff only has 2 weeks of leave. I don't think I can recover enough in 2 weeks after a c-section. That and I REALLY don't want to go under the knife again. It was miserable both that I had.
I do, though, have a doctor who supports me at least trying labor IF I am a favorable. I guess that stresses me out because all my kids had to be evicted. They like it a bit too much in there I guess.
Ugh. I can't believe I'm stressing about that already.

The newest cravings...

Peanut butter on a toasted English Muffin with chunks of cheddar cheese on the side.
Grilled chicken with broccoli, tomatoes, onions and mushrooms, topped with Classico's red pepper alfredo sauce.
Sprite Zero
Facebook!

Okay, well, obviously not all of it is food!
I'm feeling a bit frustrated with myself. I don't know if it's just pregnancy hormones or if it's something else. I feel highly unmotivated and then frustrated when I don't get anything done. I feel like a bad mommy and wonder what I'm doing having another child when I cannot handle the 3 I have. I wonder if my life will ever consist of anything other than being a mommy. I feel guilty for spending time on myself when there are dishes in the sink and laundry to be done.
I compare myself to others constantly and look at their lives to measure the success, or lack thereof, of my own.
I miss my husband.
I yell too much.
I waste way too much time on trivial things (like this blog and facebook and email and everything else) but don't have the energy for the things that "should" be done.
I'm disappointed with myself that I cannot force myself to do the things that "should" be done...there are dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded and put away, floors that could be mopped or vacuumed, yet here I sit.
I'm embarrassed to say I'm not looking forward to the kids being out of school for 3 days, and even more disappointed with myself that I just don't have it in me to homeschool them.
Again, I wonder what God has in store for me, having a 4th child.
I'm thrilled beyond words about this new little life, but terrifed I can't pull it together enough and will ruin him forever.
I blame myself for my children's problems...thinking if I had it together myself maybe they could be secure and happy.

My newest craving...for peace

99 more days!

Double digits!
99 more days...actually a bit less because the doctor informed me that she likes to deliver diabetic moms between 39 and 40 weeks...no chance of going overdue...THANK GOODNESS!

26 weeks...14 more to go.

Nothing really else is happening. My blood pressure is a tad high, but nothing concerning yet. I gained some weight (not saying how much) thanks to Christmas. Other than that, no other visits till February 11th.

25 weeks!

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's hard to believe it's been 3 weeks already! 25 weeks now, and chance of survival if born now is 50-80%. That just blows me away.

He's still movin' and grovin'. Last night I found his heartbeat way down low, and this morning it was back up by my belly button. He must have flipped some time during the night. Hopefully he'll settle into a good position soon so we don't have to worry about him being breech.

Jeff comes home in just 14 weeks now. I'm hoping little one cooperates this time, unlike the last 3 who had to be evicted. I still havn't figured out what I'll do with the other kids if I go into labor. That has me a bit concerned. But I'm sure people would pull through if need be.

Next week marks the 3rd trimster. I'm hoping it goes by quickly as I've had a lot of pain and it's getting increasingly difficult to walk. I don't look as pregnant as I feel, and get odd looks when I choose to use the motorized cart at Wal-mart. I just stick my belly out so I look more pregnant!

Until next week!

22 Weeks

I didn't post last week because I posted the pictures the previous day. I figured that was good enough.
A pretty uneventful week. I have resorted to using the motorized carts when shopping at Wal-mart and such. If I have more than just one stop to make I am unable to finish my errands after walking around for an extended period of time. My hips just give out and I look like a duck out of water...waddling. It's not very pretty, and quite painful. I had the same condition with Ben and ended up on bedrest, so I am trying to prevent that from happening this time.
I go to the doctor Thursday to get permission to travel over the holidays. I'll probably have my insulin increased at that time as my sugar levels have been wacky. I think the baby is going through a growth spurt because I've been very hungry the last 2 days.
I may not post next week as I am unsure as to what kind of internet connection I will have, but regardless I hope everyone has a happy and safe Christmas with the ones you love!

Pictures

Half Way Mark!!!

Okay, here is my 20 week belly shot. Don't laugh.
It's hard to believe I've hit 20 weeks! Still only halfway there though! Now the fun begins! Zachary has been doing what Jeff terms Zach Attack! He is kicking and moving like crazy. Sometimes it even hurts! He weighs about 10 oz now and is about 10 inches long. I have our "big" ultrasound on December 11th.
No weight gain yet, but I'm sure that's to come. For now I'm maintaining, which is sometimes harder than it sounds! No crazy cravings. The tomato craving is finally over, as is the squash craving. Hopefully my next craving will be as healthy as the first two!
Here's to another 20 ( hopefully 19) uneventful weeks!