Now that the pregnancy is a thing of the past, and I'm coming to the one year point of when I found out I was pregnant, I think back to what I want Zachary to know once he's grown.
My dearest Zachary,
You are 3 1/2 months old. You have gotten so big! You are about 15 pounds. I am totally in love with you! Every little moment of every little day you amaze me. The wonder in your eyes, the love I feel for you when I look into them, is indescribable. I cannot imagine my life without you. You complete my life in such a way I cannot even put to words.
Watching you grow is a privilege. You are so wanted, and so loved.
You love it when your brothers and sister laugh at you. It makes you smile and laugh! You also love your mommy so much! Sometimes we'll go to your room and hide from the other kids just so we can spend some time alone together!
You're starting to want to sit up although mommy isn't in so much of a rush to see you grow up. You haven't rolled over yet, but I know you can. You just want to do things in your own time. You are also starting to squeal when you get excited and enjoy batting your toys with your feet. Your toes are currently your favorite toys!
I look forward to getting to know you more! Your Daddy loves you too, and misses you so much! You are such an important addition to our family. My life would not be the same without you!
I love you!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
The birth of Zachary Michael Lopus
Zachary Michael Lopus was born April 18, 2009 at 8:03 am, weighing 7lb 1oz and 21 1/2 inches long.
The day did not go as planned at all. Originally I was to go in on Friday morning to be induced. Due to me having had 2 c-sections before, most doctors would only consent to a repeat c-section. My doctor said she would let me try to labor and see what happened. Unfortunately the hospital had a power outage scheduled for that evening, and all elective procedures had been canceled. My doctor decided to try and work around that by having me come in her office and break my water so they would have to deliver me. Unfortunately, the folks in L&D kind of had a heads up that this was going to happen, so she told me we'd have to wait until night shift came on and the computers went down so they could not access my records.
I went in to her office at 1pm and she stripped my membranes. I was at that time 1-2 cm and 25 percent effaced. Let me tell you that was a very painful experience. She told us to go home, have dinner and come back at 8pm and tell the nurse that I think my water had broken. We decided to do some walking, take the kids bowling, and then more walking. By the time we got to the hospital I was 3 cm and 50% effaced, but still very posterior where the cervix is in the back. Zachary was also still quite high. She announced that my water had indeed broken (it had not but she said she knew how to make it appear that it had even if it hadn't) so I had to be admitted. I got admitted and an IV and antibiotic were started due to me being Group B strep positive. I had to have 2 doses, 4 hours in between. One OR was down, so the decision was made to not start pitocin until 2 am. So we sat there from 9 pm to 2 am. She did not come in and break my water because each time a nurse was in there and she didn't want to seem inconsistent with her story. It was awkward because I had to be very vague about my c-section with Matthew and completely not mention my c-section with Ben. They couldn't verify my story because the computers were down. Finally about 3 am pitocin was started, I received my epidural and she put in an internal pressure monitor and heart rate monitor. This broke my water indeed. I was still a 3 at this point even though I had been having some good contractions since I got there. I had quite a significant amount of shaking from the epidural and a lot of cramps, particularly one in my knee and arm where the IV was going in. I was given warm blankets to help with this, which did help some. Around 7 am she checked me again and told me it was time to call it quits. After 10 hours I was still only at 3 cm.
I thanked her for giving me the opportunity. By this time my hormones were kicking in, I was crying and scared. I had made her promise that she would not let me feel pain with this c-section as my second was very traumatic. She promised. They came in and bumped up my epidural to where I could really feel very little. I could wiggle my toes but everything else was very muted. I was prepped for the OR and wheeled off. At this point they noticed my IV had blown so that had to be replaced. They must have also given me something in my IV because I remember very little after this point. I remember being touched and waiting for her to tell me that they were going to begin. All I heard was "here's the head, and here's the rest of the body." I vaguely remember them showing him to me. I pretty much drifted in and out of consciousness for the next hour or so while they sewed me up. I'd have brief periods of being coherent, but then I'd find myself out of it again. It took about 50 minutes before I was back in recovery. Again, that's pretty much vague. I remember thanking my doctor and her telling me that I was worth it...that made me feel good. I remember feeling a bit nauseous so they gave me some reglan. On the way from recovery to my room I felt very nauseous and started vomit ting. This is where it gets even fuzzier! They have me phenagrin and from what people tell me I was quite a lot of moments where I was seeing things or saying odd words that didn't make any sense. I remember my friend Mary Fran coming, me puking and that was it! (sorry Mary Fran!). I woke up and my sister was there but Jeff had gone home to take a nap and was going to pick the kids up from Parent's Day out. I remember my sister and Jeff calling some people, but I have no reference as to when in the day that was. I remember them bringing Zachary to me, me attempting to nurse, but his blood sugar being low. They ended up giving him some formula to help bring his blood sugar up.
I had some issues with my bladder being bruised quite significantly. This caused me to not urinate for quite a while and my nurse Sam (wonderful nurse) became quite concerned. I guess even the doctor on call got nervous at that point too. I was given a fluid bolus (rapid fluid through the IV) and finally my kidneys and bladder got the point! That night I was encouraged to drink as much as I could, and my body definitely did its job! I vaguely remember eating dinner (the meatloaf was horrible) but by this point I wasn't sick to my stomach. The kids came up to see Zachary and Sally took them home to get them ready for bed. Somewhere during this time I received my flowers from Jeff that we had specifically ordered the day before with specific color and flower instructions (I'm allergic to Lily's so we were trying to avoid this). They had another arrangement in the cooler that was done in bright purples and yellows, which is what they gave us instead of the blue, white and yellow I ordered. I was very cranky about this, probably mostly due to the medicine. Jeff was a sweet heart and took it back to the florist and had them fix it! It came back beautiful!
Throughout the first night I spiked a fever as my body was trying to fight off an infection of some kind. I drank lots of water and even got up to walk twice! I don't remember the first time, although I do remember my eyes being shakey and it being difficult for me to carry on full conversations. We also had to give him some formula so that I could get some rest. I had pumped earlier and we gave him the colostrum mixed with Similac so Jeff and I could get some rest.
Yesterday was better as far as being coherent but the pain kicked in as the IV had been discontinued. I was given percoset which didn't really help the bladder pain I was experiencing, although it did help the incision pain. I got a shower, which was great. We had to attend a discharge class, which mostly talked about not shaking a baby, car seat safety and birth control. We went back to the room. My hormones really kicked in to overdrive by this point and everything was making me cry. Zachary was holding his own at this point, although he was very tired and sleepy and not eating well. By that evening I was even more of a mess and snapping at everyone and crying at everything. Everyone kind of scurried out of my way! I feel bad for that!
This morning was discharge day. My nurse, Sam, worked diligently all morning trying to get a letter requesting Jeff stay an extra week as I am not supposed to drive for 2 weeks or lift anything heavier than Matthew for 3 weeks. Unfortunately my doc is out of town till Wednesday. We contacted her tonight and she's going to take care of it. We finally got discharged at around 2 pm ( were told we'd get out around 10:30), but we were able to meet with a lactation consultant as Zachary's latch was extremely painful. My milk has just about come in, but his initial latch hurt. It turns out Zachary is tongue tied, which makes it difficult for him to get a good latch. We go back Wednesday for a weight check and will mention it then to the pediatrician who will then refer us to ENT to have it snipped. We came home and immediately the cat and dog were sniffing him! I checked my mail and the kids came home. I decided to rest for a while to get my strength back. My sister leaves first thing tomorrow, so recovery needs to be swift.
I am praying Jeff can stay that extra week but am not holding my breathe! I know I will get through it some way. Right now I am still in quite a bit of pain and depending on pain medication to get through the day. I hate that but the pain after a 3rd c-section is much more significant than after one or two.
I go back later this week to have my staples (14) removed) and will have my postpartum check in 6-8 weeks.
I couldn't be happier about my baby! The experience with the hospital staff was exceptional. I just wished I had a better opportunity to labor, but there is a reason for everything.
Zachary is my pride and joy, and I love him very much!
The day did not go as planned at all. Originally I was to go in on Friday morning to be induced. Due to me having had 2 c-sections before, most doctors would only consent to a repeat c-section. My doctor said she would let me try to labor and see what happened. Unfortunately the hospital had a power outage scheduled for that evening, and all elective procedures had been canceled. My doctor decided to try and work around that by having me come in her office and break my water so they would have to deliver me. Unfortunately, the folks in L&D kind of had a heads up that this was going to happen, so she told me we'd have to wait until night shift came on and the computers went down so they could not access my records.
I went in to her office at 1pm and she stripped my membranes. I was at that time 1-2 cm and 25 percent effaced. Let me tell you that was a very painful experience. She told us to go home, have dinner and come back at 8pm and tell the nurse that I think my water had broken. We decided to do some walking, take the kids bowling, and then more walking. By the time we got to the hospital I was 3 cm and 50% effaced, but still very posterior where the cervix is in the back. Zachary was also still quite high. She announced that my water had indeed broken (it had not but she said she knew how to make it appear that it had even if it hadn't) so I had to be admitted. I got admitted and an IV and antibiotic were started due to me being Group B strep positive. I had to have 2 doses, 4 hours in between. One OR was down, so the decision was made to not start pitocin until 2 am. So we sat there from 9 pm to 2 am. She did not come in and break my water because each time a nurse was in there and she didn't want to seem inconsistent with her story. It was awkward because I had to be very vague about my c-section with Matthew and completely not mention my c-section with Ben. They couldn't verify my story because the computers were down. Finally about 3 am pitocin was started, I received my epidural and she put in an internal pressure monitor and heart rate monitor. This broke my water indeed. I was still a 3 at this point even though I had been having some good contractions since I got there. I had quite a significant amount of shaking from the epidural and a lot of cramps, particularly one in my knee and arm where the IV was going in. I was given warm blankets to help with this, which did help some. Around 7 am she checked me again and told me it was time to call it quits. After 10 hours I was still only at 3 cm.
I thanked her for giving me the opportunity. By this time my hormones were kicking in, I was crying and scared. I had made her promise that she would not let me feel pain with this c-section as my second was very traumatic. She promised. They came in and bumped up my epidural to where I could really feel very little. I could wiggle my toes but everything else was very muted. I was prepped for the OR and wheeled off. At this point they noticed my IV had blown so that had to be replaced. They must have also given me something in my IV because I remember very little after this point. I remember being touched and waiting for her to tell me that they were going to begin. All I heard was "here's the head, and here's the rest of the body." I vaguely remember them showing him to me. I pretty much drifted in and out of consciousness for the next hour or so while they sewed me up. I'd have brief periods of being coherent, but then I'd find myself out of it again. It took about 50 minutes before I was back in recovery. Again, that's pretty much vague. I remember thanking my doctor and her telling me that I was worth it...that made me feel good. I remember feeling a bit nauseous so they gave me some reglan. On the way from recovery to my room I felt very nauseous and started vomit ting. This is where it gets even fuzzier! They have me phenagrin and from what people tell me I was quite a lot of moments where I was seeing things or saying odd words that didn't make any sense. I remember my friend Mary Fran coming, me puking and that was it! (sorry Mary Fran!). I woke up and my sister was there but Jeff had gone home to take a nap and was going to pick the kids up from Parent's Day out. I remember my sister and Jeff calling some people, but I have no reference as to when in the day that was. I remember them bringing Zachary to me, me attempting to nurse, but his blood sugar being low. They ended up giving him some formula to help bring his blood sugar up.
I had some issues with my bladder being bruised quite significantly. This caused me to not urinate for quite a while and my nurse Sam (wonderful nurse) became quite concerned. I guess even the doctor on call got nervous at that point too. I was given a fluid bolus (rapid fluid through the IV) and finally my kidneys and bladder got the point! That night I was encouraged to drink as much as I could, and my body definitely did its job! I vaguely remember eating dinner (the meatloaf was horrible) but by this point I wasn't sick to my stomach. The kids came up to see Zachary and Sally took them home to get them ready for bed. Somewhere during this time I received my flowers from Jeff that we had specifically ordered the day before with specific color and flower instructions (I'm allergic to Lily's so we were trying to avoid this). They had another arrangement in the cooler that was done in bright purples and yellows, which is what they gave us instead of the blue, white and yellow I ordered. I was very cranky about this, probably mostly due to the medicine. Jeff was a sweet heart and took it back to the florist and had them fix it! It came back beautiful!
Throughout the first night I spiked a fever as my body was trying to fight off an infection of some kind. I drank lots of water and even got up to walk twice! I don't remember the first time, although I do remember my eyes being shakey and it being difficult for me to carry on full conversations. We also had to give him some formula so that I could get some rest. I had pumped earlier and we gave him the colostrum mixed with Similac so Jeff and I could get some rest.
Yesterday was better as far as being coherent but the pain kicked in as the IV had been discontinued. I was given percoset which didn't really help the bladder pain I was experiencing, although it did help the incision pain. I got a shower, which was great. We had to attend a discharge class, which mostly talked about not shaking a baby, car seat safety and birth control. We went back to the room. My hormones really kicked in to overdrive by this point and everything was making me cry. Zachary was holding his own at this point, although he was very tired and sleepy and not eating well. By that evening I was even more of a mess and snapping at everyone and crying at everything. Everyone kind of scurried out of my way! I feel bad for that!
This morning was discharge day. My nurse, Sam, worked diligently all morning trying to get a letter requesting Jeff stay an extra week as I am not supposed to drive for 2 weeks or lift anything heavier than Matthew for 3 weeks. Unfortunately my doc is out of town till Wednesday. We contacted her tonight and she's going to take care of it. We finally got discharged at around 2 pm ( were told we'd get out around 10:30), but we were able to meet with a lactation consultant as Zachary's latch was extremely painful. My milk has just about come in, but his initial latch hurt. It turns out Zachary is tongue tied, which makes it difficult for him to get a good latch. We go back Wednesday for a weight check and will mention it then to the pediatrician who will then refer us to ENT to have it snipped. We came home and immediately the cat and dog were sniffing him! I checked my mail and the kids came home. I decided to rest for a while to get my strength back. My sister leaves first thing tomorrow, so recovery needs to be swift.
I am praying Jeff can stay that extra week but am not holding my breathe! I know I will get through it some way. Right now I am still in quite a bit of pain and depending on pain medication to get through the day. I hate that but the pain after a 3rd c-section is much more significant than after one or two.
I go back later this week to have my staples (14) removed) and will have my postpartum check in 6-8 weeks.
I couldn't be happier about my baby! The experience with the hospital staff was exceptional. I just wished I had a better opportunity to labor, but there is a reason for everything.
Zachary is my pride and joy, and I love him very much!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The last day....
This is it...my last day of being pregnant. It's 3:45 am and it's a bitter sweet moment for me.
One moment I feel like this has been forever, another I cannot grasp the reality that this is it...it's over.
All the worry, all the counting down, all the stress and concern that something is wrong...this experience is over.
It's kind of like the letdown after Christmas morning...after all the presents are opened and life goes on back to normal. You're so excited for Christmas to come...the planning and preparing, the decorating, the expectation. It's not that Christmas isn't good, but afterwards you know life is going to go back to normal.
Okay, I seriously doubt MY life is going to be anywhere near normal, but you still know what I mean.
And knowing this is probably it for us with no more kids, this will be the last time I am pregnant, the last time I feel baby kicks inside of me...
Man am I a hormonal mess!
One moment I feel like this has been forever, another I cannot grasp the reality that this is it...it's over.
All the worry, all the counting down, all the stress and concern that something is wrong...this experience is over.
It's kind of like the letdown after Christmas morning...after all the presents are opened and life goes on back to normal. You're so excited for Christmas to come...the planning and preparing, the decorating, the expectation. It's not that Christmas isn't good, but afterwards you know life is going to go back to normal.
Okay, I seriously doubt MY life is going to be anywhere near normal, but you still know what I mean.
And knowing this is probably it for us with no more kids, this will be the last time I am pregnant, the last time I feel baby kicks inside of me...
Man am I a hormonal mess!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Date of eviction...8 days from now!
Zachary will formally be evicted in 8 days. The plan is for me to go in the hospital the afternoon of the 17th for induction when my doc is on call for that night, and prayerfully have him that night or early next day. Most of the other docs are not willing to let me try a vaginal birth, and I am really trying to avoid a c-section due to the recovery time involved and Jeff having to go back to Afghanistan.
Speaking of Jeff...he should be on his way home soon! It will probably take a few days to get home, and we're trying to be patient! We're all excited though!
We'll keep everyone posted!
Speaking of Jeff...he should be on his way home soon! It will probably take a few days to get home, and we're trying to be patient! We're all excited though!
We'll keep everyone posted!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
It's APRIL!!! 16 days!
I'm offically full term! Woo Hoo!!! I'm beyond excited! The "plan" is now to be induced the night of the 17th and have him either that night or early the 18th. My doc will be on call that night. The doc before her and the doc after her (same doc) are anti VBAC so it's really important for me to deliver with her. Hopefully Zachary will hold out until then! I go back the 8th and the 14th, so if anything changes between now and then I guess we can figure something out.
I'm excited and nervous. I can do 16 days...16 days is barely 2 weeks! I can do it!
I'm excited and nervous. I can do 16 days...16 days is barely 2 weeks! I can do it!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
dates
Well I saw my doc again today...insulin upped...again...no big surprise. We talked logistics and set up the next three appointments, one on the 31st of March, one on the 8th of April and another on the 14th. I hope that one will be my last one as Jeff will be home by then. She doesn't have her schedule out yet for when she'll be in L&D as she likes to deliver her own patients. She asked for copies of my OR reports for the 2 c-sections which I fished out of my records today. I also got my "stork" parking pass which lets me park closer to the hospital, although others seem to ignore the sign that says a pass is required.
No check yet...just waiting. I'm trying to relax and be patient. It's just hard when you are a planner and don't know specifics.
I know Zachary needs to cook a bit longer but it's hard not longing to meet the little guy.
No check yet...just waiting. I'm trying to relax and be patient. It's just hard when you are a planner and don't know specifics.
I know Zachary needs to cook a bit longer but it's hard not longing to meet the little guy.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Ready...get set....
Wait...that's what it seems like now. Just waiting. After yesterday's growth scan I'm feeling better about his size but disappointed at my "loonnngggg" cervix. I guess I was hoping for some sort of indication that I might actually go into labor on my own this time. I'd love to have that OMG my water broke experience, or the waking up in the middle of the night to contractions experience. Unfortunately I guess my kids just are comfortable in mommy's belly.
Regardless I've decided that it's time to get motivated. The car seat is installed...still haven't packed my bags yet, but that will happen this week. I'm trying to get the house ready, which seems like a never ending battle. I'm torn between wanting him born NOW and knowing that Jeff would miss the birth. I don't want to go early, but it's like reading a good book and being told that you can't read the last chapter!
So stay tuned until next week, or the week after, or the week after that, OR the week after that! Regardless in less than 30 days I should have my little man....
Regardless I've decided that it's time to get motivated. The car seat is installed...still haven't packed my bags yet, but that will happen this week. I'm trying to get the house ready, which seems like a never ending battle. I'm torn between wanting him born NOW and knowing that Jeff would miss the birth. I don't want to go early, but it's like reading a good book and being told that you can't read the last chapter!
So stay tuned until next week, or the week after, or the week after that, OR the week after that! Regardless in less than 30 days I should have my little man....
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