Thursday, August 28, 2008
The good, the bad and the ugly
Well after being told yesterday that I would only see the doc regarding my blood sugar levels I was surprised when she told me I'd be getting an U/S to check for viability.It took her SO long to find my uterus! She said it's majorly tipped. She was finally was able to locate it, and lo and behold there was baby! She said the heart just started beating, but I got to see it! I measured exactly 6 weeks 2 days!The bad...I have to start on insulin now. She said more than likely I'll always be on it, and I am officially diabetic. That was kind of a shock. I'm only on a very low dose right now, but she said she'll increase it every 2 days until I get to my target level. She said she wants my fasting to be below 100 and my after meal to be under 120.I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this doc. She didn't rush and answered all my questions and even gave me her personal cell phone number and told me she EXPECTED me to call her this weekend to let her know what was going on.Anyway, what a relief. Of course I'm still worried, but all in all a great appointment.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
6 weeks today
I'm 6 weeks today, and morning sickness has hit me like a mack truck. Actually it's been all day sickness. Smells are getting me big time. I had to wash the dog or else I was going to hurl. So far no hurling, just terrible nausea. The thought of eating makes me queasy.
I'm not complaining, I just don't feel well. Needless to say the kids are going to bed early tonight.
I'm not complaining, I just don't feel well. Needless to say the kids are going to bed early tonight.
Monday, August 25, 2008
A new week
Tomorrow I will be 6 weeks. The anxiety isn't getting any better, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's out of my control. That's where I struggle the most. I'll feel better in a few weeks once I actually start LOOKING pregnant instead of just fat!
We told Jeff's family yesterday. They seemed excited, which is good. It's funny how you feel like you have to justify a pregnancy. It shouldn't be that way. I am excited, planned or not planned. I love this little life.
The boys in the house think the baby is a boy.
The girls in the house think it's a girl.
I hope it's a girl, but will be happy with either, but I'd be really happy with a girl. It would balance things out.
I'm still feeling okay, not too much morning sickness. I'm hoping that's good, but being as paranoid as I am I'm worried it's a bad sign. Silly me.
We told Jeff's family yesterday. They seemed excited, which is good. It's funny how you feel like you have to justify a pregnancy. It shouldn't be that way. I am excited, planned or not planned. I love this little life.
The boys in the house think the baby is a boy.
The girls in the house think it's a girl.
I hope it's a girl, but will be happy with either, but I'd be really happy with a girl. It would balance things out.
I'm still feeling okay, not too much morning sickness. I'm hoping that's good, but being as paranoid as I am I'm worried it's a bad sign. Silly me.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Consumed
For those who have never experienced a miscarriage or had difficulty conceiving, this might be difficult for you to comprehend. I am consumed with worry over this pregnancy. There are so many things that could go wrong. Just wondering if there is a heartbeat, if the baby is growing like it should, if the baby is in the right place, could it be a molar pregnancy, a blighted ovum, ectopic? All these things race through my mind. Life is so fragile! What if I forgot to take my prenatal vitamin? Is my progesterone level okay? Are my numbers doubling?
Needless to say I'm a wreck. Just the unknown makes it so difficult to function. I just want to know that everything is okay, for now. But then there is another side of me that doesn't want to know, that wants to enjoy this pregnancy and doesn't want to know if something is wrong.
I remember with my last miscarriage, finding out more than 2 weeks before my miscarriage that the pregnancy wasn't progressing, and those 2 weeks of hell waiting for the inevitable. Needless to say those were the hardest two weeks of my life. I remember talking to my little one telling it that it was okay to let go.
In a way, if something is wrong not knowing until it happens makes it easier, but at the same time, not knowing is enough to drive a person insane.
It's going to be a long 9 months (hopefully).
Needless to say I'm a wreck. Just the unknown makes it so difficult to function. I just want to know that everything is okay, for now. But then there is another side of me that doesn't want to know, that wants to enjoy this pregnancy and doesn't want to know if something is wrong.
I remember with my last miscarriage, finding out more than 2 weeks before my miscarriage that the pregnancy wasn't progressing, and those 2 weeks of hell waiting for the inevitable. Needless to say those were the hardest two weeks of my life. I remember talking to my little one telling it that it was okay to let go.
In a way, if something is wrong not knowing until it happens makes it easier, but at the same time, not knowing is enough to drive a person insane.
It's going to be a long 9 months (hopefully).
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Confessional open!
This blog is being created to chronicle the pregnancy and birth of our newest addition. This is my first attempt at blogging, so please be patient with me!
A little about myself and my family:
I am Mary, age 35, wife to Jeff, age 36, mom to Ben, age 10, Megan, age 8, and Matthew, age 5.
I live at Fort Campbell Kentucky. My husband is a seargent first class in the active duty Army with 4 more years until retirement. He is scheduled to deploy sometime in October or November and return in December 2009. I'm originally from New York but grew up for many years in Southern Virginia. I am currently attending University of Phoenix and will receive my Bachelor's in Psychology in early 2010.
A little about this pregnancy:
I was shocked to say the least. After a miscarriage in 2007 we pretty much knew we wouldn't be having any more kids, although we didn't do anything about it. Mainly our decision was based upon the fact that we've faced fertility issues our whole marriage. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in 2007, along with prediabetes and hypothyroidism. That combination makes it pretty likely we would NOT get pregnant. So I had resolved myself to that, and settled in to get through adolescence.
With that being said, this child is NOT a mistake. Even though we were not trying, I always had it in the back of my head that it was a possibility. But that possibility seemed so slim that I really didn't think much about it.
I found out on a Monday night. I took a test because I had been extremely emotional that weekend, which if you know me isn't all that uncommon but it seemed odd nonetheless. Monday night's test was questionable. A line came up but it was so faint I was wondering if it was an evaporation line. For those who don't know that is a line that comes up on a home pregnancy test as a result of evaporation. I showed Jeff anyway and told him that perhaps he should change his R&R (Rest and Relaxation, the 2 weeks a soldier gets off during a deployment)to April. The look on Jeff's face was one of shock. I told him I wasn't 100% sure because the test was very iffy. He told me that he wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure. That night I took another test and the result looked even lighter than the first, so I went to bed thinking it was an evaporation line. I dreampt the whole night about getting that BFP (Big Fat Positive).
The next morning I woke up around 5 am and tested. This time I set it on my bedside table and forced myself to go back to sleep. Talk about willpower! I got up at 7 am and looked over, and lo and behold was a faint pink line staring back at me. It wasn't bright, but it was definitely there!
OMG was my first thought! Second, was What have I done! Then the excitement started, and then the fear. You see just the thought of pregnancy means the thought of miscarriage, or something going wrong. Once you've been through something like that it changes you forever.
My next step was to go to my clinic to have it confirmed, or so I thought. It seems they take your word on it now, so I was sent off to OB to set my "OB orientation" class. It's this silly little class they make you take before you see the doctor. They talk about nutrition, spousal abuse, what to expect, etc. So I go and set my appointment (it's on the 28th) and tell them I need thyroid tests done ASAP. My last miscarriage was due to my thyroid level. They tell me they can't do it until I do the class. I didn't even make it to the class last time before I miscarried. They tell me to go back to the clinic. So I go back to the clinic and she tells me they can't do it unless I talk to a doctor. UGH! So finally she puts the bloodwork in and I go back to the hospital to have it drawn and then back to the clinic to have the doctor tell me the results. Are you following me on this one? Bottom line my thyroid levels were fine, but my beta HCG (pregnancy hormone) was low. I was pregnant, but not by much. MAN this is how my last miscarriage went. She told me to come back in 3 days for a repeat level. It's supposed to double every two days.
I go back on Friday and have my levels drawn and then back to the clinic to get the results. They won't just tell you, no, you have to wait for the "advice nurse" to tell you what they are. By my calculations anything above 50 would have been safe. My levels were 142!!
So now I just wait to take my class and get my first appointment scheduled, which is normally at 12 weeks. I'm scared and anxious something will go wrong, but I have faith and will cherish this little life for as long as I am able to carry it.
I'll post more later, but for now I'll close!
A little about myself and my family:
I am Mary, age 35, wife to Jeff, age 36, mom to Ben, age 10, Megan, age 8, and Matthew, age 5.
I live at Fort Campbell Kentucky. My husband is a seargent first class in the active duty Army with 4 more years until retirement. He is scheduled to deploy sometime in October or November and return in December 2009. I'm originally from New York but grew up for many years in Southern Virginia. I am currently attending University of Phoenix and will receive my Bachelor's in Psychology in early 2010.
A little about this pregnancy:
I was shocked to say the least. After a miscarriage in 2007 we pretty much knew we wouldn't be having any more kids, although we didn't do anything about it. Mainly our decision was based upon the fact that we've faced fertility issues our whole marriage. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in 2007, along with prediabetes and hypothyroidism. That combination makes it pretty likely we would NOT get pregnant. So I had resolved myself to that, and settled in to get through adolescence.
With that being said, this child is NOT a mistake. Even though we were not trying, I always had it in the back of my head that it was a possibility. But that possibility seemed so slim that I really didn't think much about it.
I found out on a Monday night. I took a test because I had been extremely emotional that weekend, which if you know me isn't all that uncommon but it seemed odd nonetheless. Monday night's test was questionable. A line came up but it was so faint I was wondering if it was an evaporation line. For those who don't know that is a line that comes up on a home pregnancy test as a result of evaporation. I showed Jeff anyway and told him that perhaps he should change his R&R (Rest and Relaxation, the 2 weeks a soldier gets off during a deployment)to April. The look on Jeff's face was one of shock. I told him I wasn't 100% sure because the test was very iffy. He told me that he wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure. That night I took another test and the result looked even lighter than the first, so I went to bed thinking it was an evaporation line. I dreampt the whole night about getting that BFP (Big Fat Positive).
The next morning I woke up around 5 am and tested. This time I set it on my bedside table and forced myself to go back to sleep. Talk about willpower! I got up at 7 am and looked over, and lo and behold was a faint pink line staring back at me. It wasn't bright, but it was definitely there!
OMG was my first thought! Second, was What have I done! Then the excitement started, and then the fear. You see just the thought of pregnancy means the thought of miscarriage, or something going wrong. Once you've been through something like that it changes you forever.
My next step was to go to my clinic to have it confirmed, or so I thought. It seems they take your word on it now, so I was sent off to OB to set my "OB orientation" class. It's this silly little class they make you take before you see the doctor. They talk about nutrition, spousal abuse, what to expect, etc. So I go and set my appointment (it's on the 28th) and tell them I need thyroid tests done ASAP. My last miscarriage was due to my thyroid level. They tell me they can't do it until I do the class. I didn't even make it to the class last time before I miscarried. They tell me to go back to the clinic. So I go back to the clinic and she tells me they can't do it unless I talk to a doctor. UGH! So finally she puts the bloodwork in and I go back to the hospital to have it drawn and then back to the clinic to have the doctor tell me the results. Are you following me on this one? Bottom line my thyroid levels were fine, but my beta HCG (pregnancy hormone) was low. I was pregnant, but not by much. MAN this is how my last miscarriage went. She told me to come back in 3 days for a repeat level. It's supposed to double every two days.
I go back on Friday and have my levels drawn and then back to the clinic to get the results. They won't just tell you, no, you have to wait for the "advice nurse" to tell you what they are. By my calculations anything above 50 would have been safe. My levels were 142!!
So now I just wait to take my class and get my first appointment scheduled, which is normally at 12 weeks. I'm scared and anxious something will go wrong, but I have faith and will cherish this little life for as long as I am able to carry it.
I'll post more later, but for now I'll close!
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